He knows he has to
If I get up now, he’ll leave. He’ll know that I know the inevitable, what my eyes will say no matter how much I restrain them. He’ll know to concede to make it easier on us. He’ll know I won’t let go if he doesn’t first. And he knows, we know, he has to.
If I open my eyes, the day will begin. The day will begin and taunt us with reality once again. It will steal our happiness, make cold our bed, and consume us only with what we wish wasn’t happening. I’ll see the sun and it will not bring another day together, just another day knowing we’ll soon be apart.
If move an inch, he’ll wake up and know it, too. His silent sleep will be shattered and both of hearts will begin to ache. And we’ll pretend it isn’t happening.
If my feet touch the floor, my eyes will swell. My body will know its time to move on and it will be fragile and broken.
If I hold him now, we’ll pretend that it is comfort. I will feel the pounding in his chest only escalate the truth. I’ll scream for him and trick my brain for one moment – rush of joy.
If I cry now, he’ll only hurt too. But I’ll cry and cry and cry because it hurts more not to. Because I need him to know.
If I move now, he’ll leave. He’ll leave and know he has to. For us.
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